


Forgetting

by antheia



Category: Alias
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2003-09-30
Updated: 2003-09-30
Packaged: 2017-10-30 12:35:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 666
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/331799
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/antheia/pseuds/antheia





	Forgetting

Michael grips the sides of the sink, knuckles turning white, and stares at his reflection in the bathroom mirror. The lines have gotten deeper, the bags bigger, he knows that everyone can see it. And he knows that they will all pretend not to.

He shivers, thinking about these lines, and pretends it's from the cold, from his bare feet pressing into the white tile of Will's bathroom floor. He splashes some water on his face and heads back to the bedroom.

Vaughn knows that Will's pretending to sleep, but doesn't say anything, instead he slips his arm around the reporter's side, and presses against him, trying to warm up again.

***

In the light of day, at the front of a classroom, he puts all these things behind him - doesn't think about the day they confirmed that it was Syd's DNA, Jack's obsessive search, the way Irina looked at him when he asked why they were wasting their time, rather than mourning. He pushes it all away and focuses on the faces in front of him.

***

Sometimes he goes home to the woman he married; he goes home to Lauren, not Sydney; Agent Reed, not Agent Bristo. He goes home to an intelligent and beautiful woman. To a well trained CIA agent. To a replacement who will never be enough. Whenever he comes here, he tries not to think about that, about her. He tries so hard that he had to leave the agency.

***

Then there are the dreams. The dreams he's had every fitful night for the past two years.

He dreams of their life together, how it was, and how it could have been. He dreams of what would have been their bed. He dreams of making love to her there. Or on the kitchen floor. He dreams of holding her tightly to him, her sweat soaked skin pressed against his. Of smiling into her mouth as they kiss, of saying a sleepy "I love you," as they drift off.

He wakes up feeling empty, and Lauren tries to pull him to her for an early morning fuck. He pulls away, and heads to the shower, where he will shudder and cry, the tears fading into the cascade of water from the faucet, the sobs covered up by the noise of the radio.

Two nights later it's the nightmare. Her face through the glass as the water surrounds him. Then the dreams of her in the fire. Of her waking up in the heat, finding herself engulfed in flames - her flesh bubbling. She screams his name, and he tries, desperately, to get at her. Their hands meet, and he's awake, sitting bolt upright in bed, sweat dripping from his hair, her name on his lips.

Lauren doesn't move as he slips on his jeans and tshirt, and picks up his car keys. She knows where he's going, she knows that he has to; and she knows that if she tried to stop him, she would lose him.

Vaughn lets himself into Will's apartment - Will had given him the key a year ago, announcing that he was tired of getting up in the middle of the night to let Michael in. He takes his shoes off in the vestibule, and walks straight to the bedroom. Will is lying on the far side of the bed, near the drawer that holds his memories of her. Vaughn strips to his boxers and slips under the covers.

When he wakes up in the morning, Will's hand is resting on his stomach, head on his shoulder. He is murmuring in his sleep, the words barely audible, until he says her name, his voice full of desperation. Vaughn pulls Will closer, and the tears streak his face as Will grips tighter, still sleeping. This is what Lauren can't give him, it's the thing she can never share in - the memory of a woman so amazing that her death has left a gaping hole in the hearts of everyone she knew.


End file.
